mcsweeneys.net: dan liebert, a verbal cartoonist

Dan Liebert is a verbal cartoonist over at McSweeney's.net. The paradox is brilliant. His blog updates randomly, but below are some samples of his work:

EVOLUTION?

The sumptuous pattern of a peacock's tail, the bronze-green armor of a pineapple, the sensuous curves of an orchid ... No! These are not the work of blind evolution but of an intelligent gay designer.

LANGUAGE LIMITS US.

An egg timer can time anything—it's my calling it an egg timer that limits it. For instance, it can be a foreplay timer to let me know when foreplay is over.

STUDENT DAYS.

I remember my student days, when a foam mattress on the floor was my bed, and bricks and boards were my shelves, and my school books were just empty cereal boxes made to look like school books.

ROACHES.

Roaches haven't changed at all in 60 million years—except for this one: I just put tiny velour underpants on him.

WINKY.

In grade school the boys all called me "Winky" because I was stubborn and tough and didn't let anything stand in my way, just like Maria Winkelmann, the 18th-century feminist astronomer.

GAIA.

I believe the earth is a living creature named "Gaia," which is part of a vain, silly galaxy called "Debbie," who's always binging and purging to look good for her boyfriend, the hunky galaxy "Dustin."