Sunday, August 24, 2008

20 reasons why empire online loves die hard

It seems that Empie Online is after my own heart as they give 20 Reasons Why [They] Love Die Hard.

20. It's the best non-Christmas Christmas movie ever made.
Had they not included the non-Christmas part, I would've disagreed. It's not a Christmas movie just because it takes place during Christmas, folks.
19. It's an action film for the working man.
"The bad guys are murderous capitalist assholes willing to kill a whole bunch of blue-collar office workers to get their millions and only a work-a-day cop/family man has the balls to stand in their way."
18. Agent Al Powell.
Carl Winslow! He's the guy that saves that hero after the hero saves everyone else. What a pal. Al the pal.
17. The soundtrack.
I just remember Hans Gruber's "Ode to Joy"'s theme.
16. Bare feet. It's a great plot device.
I think everyone agrees -- the bare feet is what makes John McClane the most bad-ass that ever bad-assed in the history of bad-assery.

15. Richard Thornburg.
Actually, this would not be on my list...
14. The vest.
John McClane made the ribbed tank cool again, much like Clark Gable did after It Happened One Night.
13. Holly Gennaro.
"Alongside Marion Ravenwood and Princess Leia, John McClane's estranged wife is one of cinema's spunkiest damsel in distress ever." And you know she's awesome because she went back to her maiden name. You go, girl.
12. The Legacy.
"Without Die Hard, we would never have had Speed, Con Air, The Rock, Under Siege and, well, basically everything Bruce Willis has done since." The difference is... those movies sucked (except for Speed). Die Hard does not. This would not be on my list either.
11. Harry Ellis.
Bubi, baby! Everyone was so happy when Hans shot him, even if just to shut him up.

10. Jan de Bont.
Normally action cinematographers never get noticed, but I think it's incredibly appropriate to high-five this visionary lover of explosions.
9. John McTiernan.
He was the director. I would probably put #9 and #10 together... but allow special room for McClane's bare left foot and his bare right foot. Come on, they each deserve their own number.
8. Nakatomi Plaza.
"In early publicity posters for Die Hard, it was the 34-floor skyscraper, not Bruce Willis, that was the main image. So iconic is the tower of glass and steel that although it is in reality the headquarters for 20th Century Fox in downtown LA, tourists still visit the site to pay homage to Nakatomi Plaza."
7. C4 and office furniture.
Got C4 tied to an office chair? Check. Chair sent down the elevator shaft? Check. Big freakin' explosion? Check, check!
6. The dialogue.
YES! YES! "Come out to the coast, we'll get together, have a few laughs.", "I'm Agent Johnson, this is Special Agent Johnson. No relation.", "Now I have a machine gun. Ho-ho-ho.", "I'm going to count to three - there will not be a four.", "Hans, Bubi, I'm your white knight!", "Oh my God, the quarterback is TOAST!" And many more.

5. The baddies.
"Die Hard's rogues gallery is packed with stand-out performances in traditionally faceless gun-fodder roles." Indeed. Who doesn't love Alexander Godunov as Karl? Finally, the bad guys had names, distinguishable faces, and different MOs. It was all to allow Bruce Willis more time filming for Moonlighting, but it really strengthened the antagonists' roles.
4. "Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker."
Just what it says. Although, the censored televised version is just as fantastic... "Yippee-ki-yay, melon farmer!" Melon farmers must be so offended.
3. The Rise of Bruce Willis.
More like The Rise of John McClane. Other than Twelve Monkeys, when has Bruce Willis ever played a character different from John McClane?
2. Hans Gruber.
My personal pick for coolest film character name. I agree with Empire when claiming Hans to be the best villain ever. So if he's number two... what could possibly be number one?
1. It's the greatest action movie ever made.
Oh, right. This is pretty much universally unanimous.

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