ew: 50 most heart-breaking songs of all time

Johnny Cash, "Hurt"
Entertainment Weekly created a list of the 50 most heart-breaking songs of all time. It's a pretty good list, and below are some highlights (all commentary written by the EW staff). I was going to include some of the suggestions from the commenters, but so many of them picked Adult Top 40 songs (The Fray's "How to Save a Life," really?) that I think a lot of them missed the point of the list.

49. Sufjan Stevens, "John Wayne Gacy Jr." (2005)
The only song about a real-life serial murderer on our list, Stevens' intimate, piano-strewn portrait of a killer is truly a masterwork of creeping devastation: "He dressed up like a clown for them / With his face paint white and red / And on his best behavior / In a dark room on the bed he kissed them all."

44. Jackson Browne, "Late for the Sky" (1974)
"Looking hard into your eyes, there was nobody I'd ever known," Browne sings on this intimate peek at a crumbling relationship. "Such an empty surprise to feel so alone." Bedroom navel-gazing at its best.

36. Phil Ochs, "Rehearsals for Retirement" (1969)
The underrated folk singer's reluctant goodbye to the world must have been painful enough to hear when it first came out and his career was still active. Listening to the same words now with the knowledge that Ochs would take his own life seven years later is almost unbearably tragic.

18. Bill Withers, "Ain’t No Sunshine" (1971)
Withers was working in a factory making airplane toilet seats when he wrote this remarkably bleak but beautiful R&B ode to longing for someone when she's gone.
[Side note: It's hard for me to hear this song without immediately thinking of Notting Hill.]

15. Beck, "Lost Cause" (2002)
On the saddest track of Beck's saddest album, love hasn't just slipped away -- it's no longer worth fighting for, replaced by apathy and pretty, pretty exhaustion.

14. Bonnie Raitt, "I Can't Make You Love Me" (1991)
Is there anything more heart-wrenching than begging someone to make love to you one last time -- knowing they don't want you anymore? Can't think of it.
[Side note: Remember when Carrie Underwood auditioned with this piece?]

6. Eric Clapton, "Tears In Heaven" (1992)
The guitarist responded to the accidental death of his four-year-old son with this devastating lament that makes horribly clear the chasm that now lies between Clapton and the loved one he has lost.
[Side note: How is this song not #1? In my very limited opinion, this is the best song ever written.]

3. Johnny Cash, "Hurt" (2002)
The Nine Inch Nails original conjures a sad-if-sadomasochistic glee. Johnny's tear-inducing cover reinterpreted those mixed feelings into ones of genuine loss and heartache.

And then, EW realized they had some glaring omissions and wrote another list of ten, including Jeff Buckley's "Hallelujah," Joni Mitchell's "River," Radiohead's "Fake Plastic Trees," and Tom Waits' "Ruby's Heart."

national review's 25 best conservative movies

National Review has posted a list of the 25 best conservative movies of the last 25 years. I was surprised by how many films on this list I actually enjoy and, furthermore, consider some of my favorite movies. Below, I have listed some of the more notable films, and my favorites are denoted by asterisks (***). The following comments are from insightful readers of the National Review.


1. The Lives of Others (2007)***

“I think that this is the best movie I ever saw,” said William F. Buckley Jr. upon leaving the theater (according to his column on the film). The tale, set in East Germany in 1984, is one part romantic drama, one part political thriller. It chronicles life under a totalitarian regime as the Stasi secretly monitors the activities of a playwright who is suspected of harboring doubts about Communism. Critics showered the movie with praise and it won an Oscar for best foreign-language film (it’s in German). More Buckley: “The tension mounts to heart-stopping pitch and I felt the impulse to rush out into the street and drag passersby in to watch the story unfold.” — John J. Miller

4. Forrest Gump (1994)***

It won an Oscar for best picture — beating Pulp Fiction, a movie that’s far more expressive of Hollywood’s worldview. Tom Hanks plays the title character, an amiable dunce who is far too smart to embrace the lethal values of the 1960s. The love of his life, wonderfully played by Robin Wright Penn, chooses a different path; she becomes a drug-addled hippie, with disastrous results. Forrest’s IQ may be room temperature, but he serves as an unexpected font of wisdom. Put ’em on a Whitman’s Sampler, but Mama Gump’s famous words about life’s being like a box of chocolates ring true. — Charlotte Hays

5. 300 (2007)

During the Bush years, Hollywood neglected the heroism of American soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan — but it did release this action film about martial honor, unflinching courage, and the oft-ignored truth that freedom isn’t free. Beneath a layer of egregious non-history — including goblin-like creatures that belong in a fantasy epic — is a stylized story about the ancient battle of Thermopylae and the Spartan defense of the West’s fledgling institutions. It contrasts a small band of Spartans, motivated by their convictions and a commitment to the law, with a Persian horde that is driven forward by whips. In the words recorded by the real-life Herodotus: “Law is their master, which they fear more than your men[, Xerxes,] fear you.” — Michael Poliakoff

6. Groundhog Day (1993)***

This putatively wacky comedy about Bill Murray as an obnoxious weatherman cursed to relive the same day over and over in a small Pennsylvania town, perhaps for eternity, is in fact a sophisticated commentary on the good and true. Theologians and philosophers across the ideological spectrum have embraced it. For the conservative, the moral of the tale is that redemption and meaning are derived not from indulging your “authentic” instincts and drives, but from striving to live up to external and timeless ideals. Murray begins the film as an irony-soaked narcissist, contemptuous of beauty, art, and commitment. His journey of self-discovery leads him to understand that the fads of modernity are no substitute for the permanent things. — Jonah Goldberg

20. Gattaca (1997)

In this science-fiction drama, Vincent (Ethan Hawke) can’t become an astronaut because he’s genetically unenhanced. So he purchases the identity of a disabled athlete (Jude Law), with calamitous results. The movie is a cautionary tale about the progressive fantasy of a eugenically correct world — the road to which is paved by the abortion of Down babies, research into human cloning, and “transhumanist” dreams of fabricating a “post-human species.” Biotechnology is a force for good, but without adherence to the ideal of universal human equality, it opens the door to the soft tyranny of Gattaca and, ultimately, the dystopian nightmare of Brave New World. — Wesley J. Smith

24. Team America: World Police (2004)

This marionette movie from South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone is hard to categorize as conservative. It’s amazingly vulgar and depicts Americans as wildly overzealous in fighting terror. Yet the film’s utter disgust with air-headed, left-wing celebrity activism remains unmatched in popular culture. As the heroes move to stop a WMD apocalypse, they clash with Alec Baldwin, Tim Robbins, Susan Sarandon, Sean Penn, and a host of others, whom they take out with gunfire, sword, and martial arts before saving the day. The movie, like South Park itself, reveals Parker and Stone as the two-headed George Grosz of American satire. — Brian C. Anderson

ew: rom-com clichés to retire

Because I despise Valentine's Day -- a $14.7 billion capitalist market that reminds me that we're little more than consumer-sheep -- I am posting some of romantic comedy clichés that Entertainment Weekly would like to require. There are 24 in all, but I've posted the ones that especially grate on my nerves. Also, you may have in the past picked up on the subtleties of my disdain for romantic comedies, and I'm always ready to post anything anti-rom-com related. So happy Valentine's Day. It's great to love somebody, but -- like this list notes -- it's not great to be cliché.


MEDIA MAVENS
She's smart, she's sassy, and her mistakes can be captured in print or on film. Her job can take her anywhere, introduce her to anyone. Occasionally, she has deadlines.

EXAMPLE: In 13 Going on 30, Jenna (Jennifer Garner) is an editor at a women's magazine that needs to be redesigned, so she calls on her old friend Matty the photographer (Mark Ruffalo).

SEE ALSO: Writers in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, The Devil Wears Prada, Never Been Kissed, Sleepless in Seattle, When Harry Met Sally..., and Hitch; Talk/news-show employees in Little Black Book, Someone Like You, Bridget Jones's Diary, and Knocked Up.


WORKING GIRL...NEEDS BALANCE

EXAMPLE: We're gonna have to quote EW critic Lisa Schwarzbaum here, because we weren't paid to see New in Town: ''Renee Zellweger teeters in high heels as a brittle singleton executrix who relocates to a Fargo-adjacent burg and discovers the virtues of 'square' Christian values.''

SEE ALSO: The ad exec-turned-baby applesauce maker (Diane Keaton) in Baby Boom; the home swappers (Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslet) in The Holiday; the big-city fashion designer (Reese Witherspoon) who returns to her roots and coon dog cemetery in Sweet Home Alabama; and the movie star (Julia Roberts) who's just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her (side note: worst line EVER) in Notting Hill.


CLUMSY HEROINES
Apparently, the best/easiest way to make a woman seem vulnerable/single is to have her fall on her butt or walk face-first into something. The pratfall epidemic is truly painful.

EXAMPLE: In Bridget Jones's Diary, Bridget (Renée Zellweger) slides down a firemen's pole onto her bottom (and a camera); in Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason, she parachutes into a pigpen and slides off the roof while spying on Mark (Colin Firth).

SEE ALSO: Jessica Alba in Good Luck Chuck; Amanda Bynes in What a Girl Wants; Drew Barrymore in Never Been Kissed; Monica Potter in Head Over Heels; Hilary Swank in P.S. I Love You; Anna Faris in The House Bunny; Brittany Murphy in Little Black Book; and Anne Hathaway in The Princess Diaries.


SCHLUBBY GUY, PRETTY GIRL*
A close cousin to the ''Fat Guy, Skinny Wife'' rule of sitcoms, this applies to movies where a superhot girl falls for a guy totally below her league because she learns what a nice guy he is. When was the last time a schlubby girl got a hot guy?

EXAMPLE: Ben Stone (Seth Rogen) wins the heart of uberbabe Alison Scott (Katherine Heigl) in Knocked Up.

SEE ALSO: Steve Martin and Daryl Hannah in Roxanne; and Kevin James and Amber Valletta in Hitch.

* Of course, my male students find absolutely nothing wrong with this because, and I quote, "nobody wants to look at ugly people." Kevin James isn't exactly a Greek god...


I'VE NOTHING TO WEAR...
Rom-coms and fashion go together like horror movies and blood, so it's no surprise that the majority of them include a scene in which a character tries on a series of outfits in front of giggling friends, helpful salespeople, or smitten lovers.

EXAMPLE: Jane (Katherine Heigl) shows Kevin (James Marsden) her entire wardrobe of bridesmaid dresses in 27 Dresses.

SEE ALSO: Pretty Woman and Sex and the City.

best of 2008 lists

Kristin over at E! has posted polls concerning the best TV of 2008 and the worst TV of 2008 (so go vote!). Below, I've listed some of the categories for "Best of...", with my picks in bold.

Best Chemistry
Jack & Liz, 30 Rock
Chuck & Sarah, Chuck*
Blair & Chuck, Gossip Girl
Pam & Jim, The Office
Ned & Chuck, Pushing Daisies

Best Baddie
Benjamin Linus, Lost (he allowed his daughter to die!)
Dave Williams, Desperate Housewives
The Devil, Reaper
Sylar, Heroes
Dexter Morgan, Dexter

Best "OMG!" Moment
Phyllis walks in on Dwangela, The Office
Ben moves the Island, Lost
Rita is pregnant, Dexter
Sookie and Bill do the deed, True Blood
Lily is Chuck's mom, Pushing Daisies

Best Foreign Import
Simon Brenner, ER
Bret & Jermaine, Flight of the Conchords
Sadie Harris, Grey's Anatomy
Desmond Hume, Lost
Belle, Secret Diary of a Call Girl

Best Drama of 2008
Dexter
Gossip Girl
Lost
House
Friday Night Lights
True Blood
Supernatural
One Tree Hill
Mad Men (of course)
Life

Best Comedy of 2008
The Office
30 Rock
Pushing Daisies
Flight of the Conchords
Weeds
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Californication
How I Met Your Mother
The Big Bang Theory
Chuck**

* Let's be honest, Jim and Pam haven't had the same opportunities this season to show us their adorableness, whereas the consistent they-should-but-can't B-storyline for Chuck and Sarah has been a wonderful showcase for a plethora of emotions. So although I love Jam, I have to go with Charah... or Suck... hmm, that doesn't work.
** Again, I should defend my love for Chuck. While 30 Rock, The Office, and How I Met Your Mother are all really fantastic shows, Chuck has delivered the most laughs, surprises, and heartfelt honesty (which is ironic considering it's parodic comedy) of all the shows. And as a side note, I don't think I would classify Weeds or Californication as comedies...

Film School Rejects offers the Ten Best Foreign Films of 2008, and I think it's a good, albeit predictable, list. The important thing is who's in the number one spot.

10. Son of Rambow (UK)
9. JCVD (Belgium)
8. The Fall (Earth -- the film was shot in something like 18 countries)
7. Boy A (UK)
6. The Chaser (South Korea)
5. Tokyo Gore Police (Japan)
4. Tell No One (France)
3. The Good, The Bad, and the Weird (South Korea)
2. Let the Right One In
1. In Bruges

Film Junk had a poll recently asking its viewers what was the best of 2008. The results are found in their Reader's Choice Awards.

Best Comedy - Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Best Horror - Cloverfield (obviously high school males were the predominant pollers, though, to be fair, the nominees selection wasn't that great)
Best Thriller - Transsiberian
Best Action - Rambo
Best Animated - WALL-E
Best Comic Book - The Dark Knight
Best Sci-Fi/Fantasy - Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (umm, what?? do people not remember the god-awful ending or the "nuke the fridge" disaster?? but again, the nominees were not so great. and as a detour, would you really even call the civilization a kingdom?)
Best Documentary - Man on Wire (Religulous got the runner-up position)
Best Indie - Synecdoche, New York (whoo!)
Best Foreign - Let the Right One In
Best Drama - Milk
Best Film of the Year - The Dark Knight
Biggest Disappointment - Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (that's right - explain this paradox to me...)

And, of course, we have a few lists from Cinematical, one of my favorite (and most updated) websites on film. Here're their Cinematical Seven lists for Best Ensemble Casts, Worst MPAA Ratings, and, though it's not 2008-themed it's still a clever and funny list, Christmas Movies that Demand an R-Rated Remake.

Best Ensemble Casts
7. Valkyrie - Tom Cruise, Tom Wilkinson, Kenneth Branagh, Bill Nighy, Terence Stamp, and Eddie Izzard
6. W. - Josh Brolin, Ioan Gruffold, Elizabeth Banks, Thandie Newton, James Cromwell, Richard Dreyfuss
5. RochnRolla - Gerard Butler, Idris Elba, Jeremy Piven, Thandie Newton, Tom Wilkinson
4. Appapaloosa - Ed Harris, Viggo Mortensen, Jeremy Irons and Renee Zellweger
3. Burn After Reading - Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Frances McDormand, John Malkovich, Tilda Swinton, Richard Jenkins
2. Iron Man - Robert Downey Jr., Gwenyth Paltrow, Terrence Howard, Jeff Bridges, Jon Favreau
1. Tropic Thunder - Ben Stiller, Jack Black, Robert Downey Jr., Tom Cruise, Matthew McConaughey, Nick Nolte, Jay Baruchel, Steve Coogan, Brandon T. Jackson, Bill Hader, Christine Taylor... and let's not forget the best part of the WHOLE movie, Tobey Maguire's cameo

Worst MPAA Ratings
7. The Love Guru (rated PG-13 for "crude and sexual content throughout, language, some comic violence and drug references").
6. Frozen River (rated R for "some language").
5. 5. Frost/Nixon (rated R for "some language"). Two mother-f***ers and two other f-bombs.
4. Slumdog Millionaire (rated R for "some violence, disturbing images and language"). Suggestions of rape, murder, and maiming, and yet The Dark Knight got a PG-13 rating.
3. The Fall (rated R for "some violent images").
2. Son of Rambow (rated PG-13 for "some violence and reckless behavior"). Because kids making homemade bombs is "suggestive."
1. The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian (rated PG for "epic battle action and violence"). The MPAA says, "The ratings are intended to provide parents with advance information so they can decide for themselves which films are appropriate for viewing by their own children." It's all about parents looking out for their kids. So how in the name of C.S. Lewis did this film -- rife with stabbing, throat-slitting, decapitating, and large-scale slaughter, much of it perpetrated by teenage characters -- get a PG? Does the fact that most of the violence is bloodless (and therefore not realistic) somehow make it family-friendly? Had there been even one sexual reference, it would have gotten a PG-13. Thank goodness Disney only packed the film with killing instead!

Christmas Movies that Demand an R-Rated Remake

Judd Apatow's Elf
40 year-old Buddy (Will Ferrell) learns that he is in fact a human, not an elf, and he has been kept from human experiences for his entire life. Buddy returns to Earth eager to make up for lost time, with the help of some wisecracking friends, played by Seth Rogen and Paul Rudd ("You know how I know you're gay? You're wearing yellow tights!"). They are more than willing to help him out, and so begins an epic quest to get Buddy laid -- though what Buddy really wants is love. He eventually finds it with the kind of girl who would totally go for an average-looking man/child in the Apatow universe -- Jessica Alba.

Michael Moore's A Christmas Carol
In Michael Moore's return to narrative filmmaking, George W. Bush plays with his shiny new train set, sets out cookies for Santa Claus, and falls asleep in his footie pajamas while watching Power Rangers. He is awoken in the middle of the night by The Ghost of Christmas Past, who takes Georgie through his days of frat parties, draft dodging, drunk driving, and cocaine abuse. Even faced with hard evidence, Bush denies any involvement. The Ghost of Christmas Present takes Bush deep into a post-Katrina New Orleans, where Bush cracks jokes and enjoys some caramel corn. Stunned by Bush's lack of feeling, the ghost takes him to Iraq, where he sees what Christmas is like for U.S. soldiers. Bush yawns. He is sleepy. The Ghost of Christmas Future shows Bush a world ravaged by the effects of global warming and America hated by countries all across the globe. "Not real concerned about my legacy, Future Dude" chuckles Bush, and he falls asleep safe in his bed. Bush wakes up twelve hours later, having learned absolutely nothing. As the movie ends, he runs over a homosexual couple with his truck and kicks a sick orphan in the face.

Mel Gibson's How the Jews Stole Christmas
Mel Gibson's take on the beloved holiday classic loses the Grinch angle and finds Christmas being stolen by a legion of angry Jews. "Resistance is futile! Don't you know we're responsible for all the wars in the world?!" yells their leader (played by Jerry Seinfeld) as he sets fire to Christmas trees and manger scenes, replacing them with menorahs and dradels. The film concludes with an astoundingly graphic and lengthy scene of the Jewish people crucifying Santa Claus.

It's a Wonderful Life
This is about as close to perfection as movies get, and I pray they never remake it. But if they do, adding this scene [link no longer works, but it's of SNL's Dana Carvey as George Bailey beating up Mr. Potter] is a great idea. Enjoy.

John Woo's A Christmas Story
All Ralphie wants for Christmas is a Red Ryder BB gun, but his parents are worried he'll shoot his eye out. Everyone agrees, and Ralphie's frustrations build. Come Christmas morning, Ralphie does not receive the gift he asked for. He is pissed, and unleashes a foul-mouthed tirade on his family. Ralphie's mother reaches for a bar of soap to wash his mouth out, but Ralphie gives her a roundhouse kick to the stomach. Ralphie pulls two Red Ryders from behind the couch. "Who's shooting eyes out now, bitches?" yells Ralphie as he leaps over the sofa whilst firing both weapons simultaneously. His parents wounded, Ralphie takes to the streets and wreaks bloody vengeance on the town as BBs and white doves fly through the air in extreme slow-motion. Hours later, the entire town hospitalized with infections from BB wounds, Ralphie finds himself alone in the house and feeling randy. He chugs a huge glass of spiked Ovaltine and makes love to his father's sexy leg lamp as the credits roll.

Darren Lynn Bousman's Home Alone
Professional burglars Harry (Joe Pesci) and Marv (Daniel Stern) break into the house of little Kevin McCallister, unaware that Kevin is totally prepared to make them pay for their life of crime. Harry and Marv slip on some Micro Machines in the hallway and hit their heads. When they regain consciousness an hour later, Harry is ball gagged and suspended over a pit of razor blades by a padlocked chain. Marv has the only key to the padlock surgically implanted behind his right eye. Home Alone enters the age of Saw and Hostel, and oh yes...there will be blood.

Martin Scorsese's Home Alone 2: Lost in New York
In its original version, Home Alone 2 found young Kevin alone in Manhattan -- enjoying a fantasy world of luxurious hotels and fancy toy stores. In the remake, directed by Martin Scorsese, Kevin is shown what life is really like in New York City. That homeless lady with all the pigeons gives Kevin a scorching case of bird flu, an elderly man exposes his genitals to Kevin on the subway, and things go really wrong when Kevin befriends a young prostitute, shaves his head, and faces off with a terrifying pimp played by Harvey Keitel. Joe Pesci returns as a heavily mobbed up Harry, and the only thing on his Christmas list this year is Kevin's head in a box. Kevin is literally lost in New York, but Paul Schrader's script uses that setup to explore the ways in which we are all "lost" -- spiritually, emotionally, and sexually.

movie blog's top 100 movies based on books

John at The Movie Blog took on the daunting task of listing the Top 100 Movies Based on Books. The list is quite extensive, but below are a few of the notable picks:


#96 - THE SHINING
Rotten Tomatoes Rating - 86%
Synopsis: A family heads to an isolated hotel for the winter where an evil and spiritual presence influences the father into violence, while his psychic son sees horrific forebodings from the past and of the future.
John’s Thought: Iconic film with some of the most quoted one liners from a horror film in history.
My Thought: The movie's fantastic, but it's not very close to the book...

#79 - FULL METAL JACKET
Rotten Tomatoes Rating - 96%
Synopsis: Full Metal Jacket begins by following the trials and tribulations of a platoon of fresh Marine Corps recruits focusing on the relationship between Gunnery Sergeant Hartman and Privates Pyle and Joker. We see Pyle grow into an instrument of death as Hartman has forseen of all of his recruits. Through Pyle’s torment and Joker’s unwillingness to stand up against it the climax of part one is achieved with all three main characters deciding their fates by their action or inaction. The second chapter of Full Metal Jacket delves into Joker’s psyche and the repeated referal to the fact that he joined the Corps to become a killer. When his mostly behind the scenes job as a combat correspondant is interfered with by the Tet offensive he is thrust into real combat and ultimately must choose if he really is a killer.
John’s Thought: Not many people agree with me, but I think this was easily Stanley Kubrick’s best movie.
My Thought: If by "easily" the best John means most accessible, then I can agree. But 2001, The Shining, Spartacus, and Dr. Strangelove are all classics in their genre for a reason.


#75 - FORREST GUMP
Rotten Tomatoes Rating - 72%
Synopsis: Forrest, Forrest Gump is a simple man with little brain activity but good intentions. He struggles through childhood with his best and only friend Jenny. His ‘mama’ teaches him the ways of life and leaves him to choose his destiny. Forrest joins the army for service in Vietnam, finding new friends called Dan and Bubba, he wins medals, starts a table tennis craze, creates a famous shrimp fishing fleet, inspires people to jog, create the smiley, write bumper stickers and songs, donating to people and meeting the president several times. However this is all irrelevant to Forrest who can only think of his childhood sweetheart Jenny. Who has messed up her life. Although in the end all he wants to prove is that anyone can love anyone
John’s Thought: A movie of a less than ordinary person who lives an extraordinary life. Great film, but no way in hell it should have beat out Shawshank Redemption for best picture that year.
My Thought: First, I didn't know this film was based a book, and second, I understand that Shawshank is sort of the new Godfather for men, but Forrest Gump is beyond brilliant.

#68 - THE ENGLISH PATIENT
Rotten Tomatoes Rating - 84%
Synopsis: A burn victim, a nurse, a thief, and a sapper find themselves in each others company in an old Italian villa close to the end of World War II. Through flashbacks, we see the life of the burn victim, whose passionate love of a woman and choices he made for her ultimately change the lives of one other person in the villa. Not only is this film a search for the identity of the English patient, but a search for the identities of all the people in the quiet old villa.
John’s Thought: A lot of people found this dry and slow, but I thought it hit every note perfectly.
My Thought: Again, one of my favorite movies, but not that close to the book... the book is all about Hannah, who has very little screen time (compared to K, that is).


#44 - KISS KISS, BANG BANG
Rotten Tomatoes Rating - 83%
Synopsis: A noir send-up. A narrator introduces himself at a Hollywood party: he’s Harry Lockhart, a thief from New York, in L.A. for a screen test. He meets Gay Perry, a glitzy private eye who’s to school him for his role; there’s Harmony Lane, a wannabe actress whose time has passed; the host is an aging actor who starred in detective movies, plus his daughter, with starlet looks and a choppy past. The next day, Gay and Harry stake out a house where Gay is to take surreptitious photographs for a client - what they find is a corpse. From there, twists and connections abound and bodies pile up. Who’s double-crossing whom? And, has Harry found Harmony too late to save himself from misery?
John’s Thought: This movie ranks right up there with Bubba Ho-Tep where the fact that it never got a wide release should be considered a crime against humanity. Robert Downey Jr. and Val Kilmer were both just amazing in this flick.
My Thought: Easily one of the best films of the 2000s. This was Downey's starring vehicle for his big comeback, and his performance here beats Tropic Thunder and Iron Man -- oh, yes, I did just say that.

#30 - 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY
Rotten Tomatoes Rating - 91%
Synopsis: This movie is concerned with intelligence as the division between animal and human, then asks a question; what is the next division? Technology is treated as irrelevant to the quest - literally serving as mere vehicles for the human crew, and as a shell for the immature HAL entity. Story told as a montage of impressions, music and impressive and careful attention to subliminal detail. A very influential film and still a class act, even after 25 years.
John’s Thought: There are parts of this film that still confuse the hell out of me.
My Thought: I've said this before and I'll say it again... the death of HAL is the saddest death in the history of cinema. "Daisy, daisy..."

#19 - DIE HARD
Rotten Tomatoes Rating - 96%
Synopsis: Tough New York cop John McClane finds himself in a tight situation when an office building in Los Angeles is taken over by terrorists. Apart from himself, everyone else in the building - including his wife - is held at gunpoint while their captors spell out their demands. The F.B.I. are called in to survey the situation, but John McClane has other plans for the terrorists…
John’s Thought: Betcha didn’t know this was based on a book. Yeah neither did I at first.
My Thought: Nope. I didn't know that. I wonder if the book is in first person?


#9 - THE PRINCESS BRIDE
Rotten Tomatoes Rating - 95%
Synopsis: When the lovely Buttercup is kidnapped by a ghastly gang intent on fermenting an international incident they find they are pursued by the Dread Pirate Roberts who just might be Westley, her one true love. Also after everyone is nasty Prince Humperdinck to whom Buttercup is now betrothed but who seems to care little for her continued survival. The stage is set for swordfights, monsters, and tortures - but will Grandpa be allowed to finish telling the story with all these kissy bits?
John’s Thought: One of the most special movies ever made that is nothing short of pure magic. Holds a special place in the hearts of a lot of people.
My Thought: The interesting thing about this film is that it's about a sick boy whose grandfather reads him a story. And yet this film replaced storytime for me when I was sick. This film about a book (and based on a book) ushered in a new medium for preferred imagination.

And then not surprisingly, John puts all three of the Lord of the Ring movies in his TOP 5, and puts The Godfather and The Shawshank Redemption at numbers 2 and 3, respectively. LotR: Return of the King took the #1 spot... which underwhelms me... what a predictably masculine choice.

People in the comments have noted the absences of Jurassic Park, Gone with the Wind, Fight Club, To Kill a Mockingbird, and American Psycho, all of which I agree need to be on this list. But I don't recommend reading the comments because most of these people are idiots and do not know how to intelligently criticize a list. Also, where is Atonement?

film news: late october 2008

hello, my name is inigo montoya
by artist Rakka
From The Movie Blog, Spartacus is coming to television. Anyone who's ever eaten at a restaurant with me knows that Spartacus is my code name because I'm always hoping that somewhere there is a man who will stand up at the announcement "Spartacus, part of two" and shout "NO! I AM SPARTACUS!" Apparently, this show, which is being developed by Starz, will not come from the page of Kubrick, who directed the 1960 film Spartacus. But that works in the show's favor because it could not keep a multi-season story working within that framework. I'd be really interested to watch this show -- simply because Spartacus is the ultimate underdog and I will always root for him.

In the bizarro world of Tim Burton, Alan Rickman will be playing the Caterpillar in the upcoming Alice in Wonderland. I really can't picture this... which means I will be there opening weekend to see this.

Yet another Nicholas Sparks novel is being adapted for film. This time, it's Dear John. Let's see... it's about a soldier who falls in love with someone and then re-enlists after the 9/11 attacks. I don't even need to read the book, watch the movie, or heck, watch the trailer to know that someone dies -- most likely by self-sacrifice and for the good of the country. My friend was an extra on this film for a week, and he says that Channing Tatum, who plays the soldier, has done a good job... but I don't know if I can shake his Step Up persona. Regardless, I won't be seeing this movie.


Here's the trailer for Lord of the Rings and the Half-Blood Prince. Oh, wait, I'm sorry. This is the next Harry Potter installment. Excuse me while I roll my eyes.

Film School Rejects lists the 10 Hottest Sex Scenes on Film. The best part of the list is the commentaries. Who knew there were so many adjectives to use when describing sex? The commentaries are porn in their own right.

10. Damages
Jeremy Irons lusts after Juliette Binoche and shows it by fucking her on every hard surface in his house. And make no mistake, the duo is not making love, they’re fucking. One scene starts on his desk before moving to a stand-up position against his counter top and, eventually, the floor. Binoche is on her back with her feet up around Irons’ neck, her thigh-high stockings rubbing against his face as he thrusts into her French patisserie, gently knocking her head against the floor each time. Her moans begin to match the impacts until finally they both stop happily and simultaneously… and then they move to the bed.

Film School Rejects also creates a list of 7 Rejected High School Musical Plotlines. It's hard to decide which one is my favorite, but it may very well be High School Nudical, solely for the musical number:

In an effort to widen their audience, High School Nudical begins with drama teacher Ms. Darbus’s retirement from the school system and a much-needed vacation to the Caribbean. However, her replacement is a young, Danish teacher (played by Charlize Theron) who corrupts the now-full drama club by forcing them to do a reprisal of Hair, complete with full frontal nudity. After seeing what Troy is packing, Sharpay finally loses interest in him, but sparks still fly when Kelsi comes out of the Disney closet and tries to pry Gabriella away from Troy. Meanwhile, Chad has become a full-fledged hippie, coming under the influence of the classic free-love musical. Eschewing the tenants of capitalism, Chad slowly builds an underground network, creates a commune and firebombs the school during, “Hoony-Boony-Lacka-Wacka-Die-Capitalist-Pig-Dogs (The Clap Hands Song)”. The crew is split by political association, but after the national guard is called in to quell the uprising, and most of the minor characters are killed, Troy, Gabriella, Chad and Sharpay mourn their brethren and celebrate their enduring friendship with some of Zeke’s Freedom Cupcakes as dawn breaks on a new morning.

And lastly, studios are apparently looking to remake Hitchcock's The Birds, which is just mind-boggling. Isn't this movie so great because it's ridiculously campy and absurd and filled with horrible special effects... and yet you still freak out by flocks of birds? How can they "update" or "reimagine" this movie without destroying the silliness of the original? Is Hollywood so unoriginal that they can't even make remakes of movies worth remaking -- like, say, Audrey Hepburn's Wait Until Dark?

top 30 moments of 30 Rock

Is this list of Paste Magazine's Top 30 Moments of 30 Rock premature? Perhaps -- but when a show is cranking out as many jokes as this show, I'm surprised there's not a list of 30 Moments for every episode. The list is great and includes some of my favorite moments (denoted by ***). I've posted some stand-outs below. One question, though: why the omission of Kenneth's line, "Son of a married couple!"?

28. You're going down, Jack
Jack's gay rival Devon Banks (played by Will Arnett) has long-devised to supplant Jack on the road to becoming CEO of the company, inspiring some witty insults between the two. Case in point: "You're going down, Jack." "No, Devon. I don't do that." Two claps for gay subtext. (Season 1, "Fireworks")


25. Do the worm! Do the worm!***
Liz gets upset at Josh after he uses an offer from The Daily Show as leverage in his contract renegotiation. Being the cool, level-headed boss that she is, she makes him do the worm, an act so degrading it must have originated in Nazi Germany. (Season 1, "Hard Ball")

23. Tuxedo man***
Jack is a classy guy. So classy, he waltzes around in tuxes after work. "Why are you wearing a tux?" Liz asks. "Lemon, it's after six. What am I, a farmer?" (Season 1, "Tracy Does Conan")

20. You must know Arsenio Billingham
Tracy needs $100,000, and Jack explains how a certain washed-up celebrity friend of his was able to make some quick cash. It leads to this brilliantly silly exchange:

Jack: Look, Tracy, I can't just give you money. But what I can do is show you how you can earn all the money you need. You must know Arsenio.
Tracy: Hall or Billingham?
Jack: You know someone named Arsenio Billingham?
Tracy: No.
(Season 1, "The Rural Juror")

16. Kenneth looks on the bright side of life
Kenneth is a gold mine for hopelessly naive bits of advice, but this explanation on why he's always so chipper takes the cake: "My mother always told me that, even when things seem bad, there's someone else who's having a worse day. Like being stung by a bee, or getting a splinter, or being chained to a wall in someone's sex dungeon." (Season 1, "The Baby Show")

11. Tracy explains affirmative action
In the show's fledgling first episode, Tracy gets all metaphorical on us: "Affirmative action was designed to keep women and minorities in competition with each other to distract us while white dudes inject AIDS into our chicken nuggets. That's a metaphor!" (Season 1, "Pilot")


8. The Rural Juror (it's a Kevin Grisham novel)
The confusion over the title of Jenna's movie leads to one of the funniest running jokes in the series. The Roar Her Gem Her? The Oral Germ Whore? The Roaring Junior? Whatever the case, you can't go wrong with a Kevin Grisham adaptation (the slightly less famous brother of John). We can't wait for the sequel: Urban Fervor. (Season 1, "The Rural Juror")

7. Kenneth hates hot liquids
Country bumpkin Kenneth has a strange aversion to hot beverages: "I don't drink coffee, sir. I don't drink hot liquids of any kind. That's the devil's temperature!" (Season 2, "Episode 210")


2. Jack the therapist*** (funniest thing EVER)
Mere words cannot express how brilliant Baldwin is in this scene, easily his shining moment in the series thus far. OK, maybe one does: DY-NO-MITE! Tracy's daddy issues resurface after Jack berates him for dog fighting, prompting a therapy session. Things quickly go astray when Jack takes the role playing a bit too far ("a bit" being the understatement of the century). (Season 2, "Rosemary's Baby")


1. Tracy's novelty party song "Werewolf Bar Mitzvah"***
The clip of Tracy's gold-selling Halloween-meets-Jewish rite-of-passage song might have lasted mere seconds, but it was enough to steal a place in our hearts forever. "Boys becoming men, men becoming wolves." It's so genius, it's spooky scary. (Season 2, "Jack Gets in the Game")

cinematical seven: the problems with chick flicks

Oh, Cinematical, how I love thee... their recent list of problems with chick flicks is right on the money. The problems are hysterically applied, and more importantly... they're true. And thank God, they're written by a female. This list covers the location and disconnection of family, the fact that careers and relationships are not antithetical, the grand romantic gesture, and the offensively gendered idea that shopping will make everything better. Whereas I would've just been angry, author Jessica Barnes takes a rant-tastic look at chick flicks.


1. Two Kinds of Stories -- married or dead?
According to conventional Hollywood wisdom, women are only interested in trying to get married, getting married, getting divorced and then eventually dying of a horrible disease. It doesn't exactly take a Women's Studies degree to see the pattern in most feature films marketed to women -- they are centered solely on personal relationships. I'm not saying that these stories don't have value, but it can't be the only game in town, and I refuse to believe my entire life revolves around making a family, losing a family, and then keeling over after coming to terms with something.

See: Terms of Endearment, Stepmom, One True Thing... and just about any film starring a woman that has been released in the last 100 years.


2. They Make You Feel Bad about Having a Career... and being good at it.
Cut to 2007 and The Devil Wears Prada. This time our fearless heroine goes up against the dragon lady of all bosses and then ... dumps it all and runs off after her boyfriend (a character that was relatively unimportant in the original novel compared to the film version). Or How about Kate and Leopold? A bitter ad exec finds love with a time traveling aristocrat and decides to follow him back to 1876! Yeah, because who wants the stresses of the modern world? You know, like voting and equal rights.

In the world of chick flicks, successful women are by all appearances, terribly unhappy women. Heck, they are worse than unhappy, they are are alone and unloved simply by the matter of their success.

See: The Devil Wears Prada, Working Girl, and Kate and Leopold. [Although I take note with Working Girl. Melanie Griffith gets the guy and and the job, and she's an intelligent character... despite being portrayed by Melanie Griffith.]



3. The Grand Romantic Gesture...or the 'You Complete Me' Syndrome
Have you ever chased after a loved one in an airport? Stopped a wedding? Proposed in the middle of a crowded subway platform? Probably not. If you even tried half of those romantic tricks in an airport, you would be tackled by NSA agents before you even got through the gate. I've been watching movies long enough to know that the grand romantic gesture is usually the most convenient way to wrap up a story line. If you've had your two leads circling each other for two hours, you're probably looking for an economical way for them to ride off into the sunset -- enter the grand romantic gesture.

So what's so wrong with that you may ask? For starters, you could fill an Oprah audience with women lamenting the loss of a romantic spirit that never existed in the first place. Just remember, for every girl out there waiting for Lloyd Dobler to stand outside her window blaring a Peter Gabriel song, there's a guy cursing the day that John Cusack was put on this earth.

See: Jerry McGuire, Notting Hill, and Love Actually.


6. Shopping Makes Everything Alright
In the ultimate chick flick, Pretty Woman, Julia Roberts is a woman who has worked as a prostitute on the streets of L.A. Presumably she's a streetwise gal. But what's the worst thing she feels happens to her? Not the murder of one of her 'co-workers' or her best friend's drug habit. What makes her stop and re-examine her life is that she isn't allowed to shop -- because being denied access to a Rodeo Drive boutique is right up there with the great tragedies in life, I guess. Never has mindless consumption been so pronounced as in last summer's chick flick behemoth, Sex and the City. I lost count of the amount of 'ohhs' and 'awws' when Carrie is shown her new shoe closet by Prince Charming/Mr. Big -- I still gag thinking about it.

See: Pretty Woman and Sex and The City.

best/worst lines of dialogue

My addictive pop culture foe, Entertainment Weekly, has another list out. This time it lists the worst lines of dialogue from films. Wait, this is something I can actually get behind.

There's "I'm just a girl standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her" from Notting Hill (which, let's be honest, is a God-awful line that is delivered well by Julia Roberts) and "Love means never having to say I'm sorry" from Love Story, which sends all sorts of wrong messages about love. (No, you really should apologize.) I don't care for some of their other choices -- like Baby's line "I carried a watermelon" from Dirty Dancing which is appropriately and justifiably awkward. But the list includes my second least favorite line of all time: "She rescues him right back" -- the closing lines from Pretty Woman. There are so many reasons why I'm anti-Pretty Woman, yet I've seen it about twenty times and continue to watch it if I ever happen across it on TV. (Damn you TNT and your constant repeats!)



So if that's my second least favorite line... what's the worst? Hands down, no question about it: "Nice boys don't kiss like that," "Oh yes, they fucking do" from Bridget Jones's Diary. I'm sorry... what did he say? The ending of that movie rings so untrue to me (he leaves to buy her a new journal without telling her...?), and those closing lines just confirm that Hollywood trite will find its way into any Jane Austen adaptation. That line goes completely against Mr. Darcy/Mark Darcy's character and it's just so... ugh.

So hmm... what are some of the best lines of dialogues? Let me know if you have any suggestions, but I certainly think these are top notch:

"But... it goes to eleven." -- from This is Spinal Tap, also entirely usable in life. Example: "On an Awesome scale of 1-10, I go to 11."

"Inconceivable!" "I do not think that word means what you think it means." -- best delivery EVER, The Princess Bride, and you can certainly use these lines (and certainly this whole scene) in almost every situation.

"To my big brother George, the richest man in town." -- from my favorite movie, It's a Wonderful Life. This line alone makes me cry.

"Daisy... Daisy..." -- from my other favorite movie, 2001: A Space Odyssey. Perhaps one of the saddest deaths in cinema.

"Fra-gee-lay. It must be Italian." -- it's impossible to pick a favorite from A Christmas Story.

Umm, Robin Williams's entire speech by the lake in Good Will Hunting


"My real name is plain Jane Jones." -- from Closer, though it's difficult to understand the gravitas and sadness of this deceptively simple line. This scene is brilliant. Also, another great line is Clive Owen's character describing a heart: "A heart is a fist covered in blood!"

"Yipee-kay-ay, mother fucker!" -- from, of course, Die Hard. There are a lot of great lines from this, but I certainly use this line whenever I have a feeling of accomplishment. Or, if I'm around children, I censor it as TBS does: "Yipee-kay-ay, melon farmer!"

"It's for me." -- closing lines from The Lives of Others. Perhaps one of my favorite last lines of a film. I cannot say enough wonderful things about this movie. I think it's the best movie made in the last 25 years, and it's my third favorite movie. It's a film that really sticks with you. -- HGW XX/7.

"Sometimes there just aren't enough rocks." -- from Forrest Gump, another deceptively profound lines. I swear, I learned more about love and life from Forrest Gump than I did my own life. (By the way, I think Tom Hanks won his second consecutive Oscar because of one particular scene -- the scene where Jenny and him are dancing and the camera pulls back through a window into the outside rain. Hanks is Gump in that moment.)

"He was my father. And my mother... my brother... my friend. He was you... and me. He was all of us." -- from V for Vendetta. Not going to lie. I saw this movie with about 15 people and I left them without explanation so that I could go cry in my car for a good thirty minutes. This movie really spoke to me, and holy cow, V has my two favorite paintings in his lair.

"Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in." -- from American Beauty. People tend to think of this movie as overrated, but that's one of the consequences for being brilliant and then other people noticing that brilliance. Is it pretentious? Maybe, but that's such an unfortunate word to apply to this movie. I heart this movie.

Hmm, perhaps I'm getting carried away here. There are certainly some great scripts out there. But these are lines that effect me emotionally -- they embody the essence of that film and my relationship to that film.


Alan Sepinwall recently posted something similar. He asked what pop culture dialogue makes it into everyone's daily lives, and he received 110 comments -- and counting! Below are some highlights from (some earlier) comments on his post:

Monty Python and the Holy Grail: "Bring out your dead" becomes "Bring out your laundry" or "Bring out your recycling", etc.

The Simpsons: "Oh Lisa, it's not that I don't understand, it's just that I don't care."

Arrested Development: "Her?" "I think I just blue myself." "COME ON!" "STEVE HOLT!" "I'm an ideas man, Michael. I think I proved that with Fuck Mountain."

The Big Lebowski: "This is not Nam. This is (insert word). There are rules."

As far as pop culture in everyday lives, I think I say "He's a clean old man" (A Hard Day's Night) and "This is a very inter-esting situation" (It's a Wonderful Life) fairly often, and I'm going to try and incorporate the following line into my common vernacular: "He irks me. He's irksome." (The Mentalist). Perhaps on another day I'll post all of my favorite lines from 30 Rock. I seriously should make an effort to quote that show every day. I wish my life were like an episode of 30 Rock -- BLERG!

ew:best jim halpert pranks

Entertainment Weekly has compiled a list of the best Jim Halpert pranks from The Office. Jim Halpert tied with with Leoben Conoy for Best TV Husband, so I thought this list was only appropriate. Enjoy!


JELL-OH NO, YOU DIDN'T!, "Pilot" (1.1)
Jim puts Dwight's stapler in a mold of jello, an homage to the original BBC series.

PRACTICALITOUS-JOKITIS, "Health Care" (1.3)

Dwight: Someone forged medical information, and that's a felony.
Jim: OK, Whoa, all right 'cause that's a pretty intense accusation. How do you know that they're fake?
Dwight: [reading from a sheet] Uh, Leprosy, Flesh Eating Bacteria, Hot Dog Fingers, Government Created Killer Nano Robot Infection.

THE NICKELER!, "Conflict Resolution" (2.21)
No one can truly appreciate the magnitude of Jim's high jinks until taking a look at Dwight's complaint files. Jim boasts an impressive rap sheet: he's paid off his coworkers to call Dwight "Dwayne,'' replaced Dwight's pens with crayons, put a bloody glove in Dwight's desk and tried to convince him he was a murderer. But perhaps the most elaborate prank in the hefty complaint file is Jim's alleged tampering with Dwight's telephone handset. Jim is charged with incrementally increasing the weight of Dwight's phone with nickels, and then abruptly removing the change. The result? Dwight nailed himself in the face with his phone.

FAX FROM THE FUTURE, ''Branch Closing" (3.7)
My all-time favorite prank! At the new branch, Jim sends Dwight faxes using Dwight's stationary, and he signs them "Future Dwight." After receiving one fax, Dwight jumps on Stanley to save him from a poisonous cup of coffee.

To: Dwight
From: Future Dwight
Subject: Office coffee
Dwight: At 8 a.m. today, someone poisons the coffee. Do not drink the coffee. More instructions will follow. Cordially, Future Dwight

VENDING MY STUFF, "Booze Cruise" (2.11)
Jim puts all of Dwight's desk belongings in a vending machine, including Dwight's wallet, which means he can't even buy back his own stuff. Jim hands him a back of nickels, and we're left watching Dwight buy his stuff back one nickel at a time.

FRIURSDAY, "Performance Review" (2.8)
Jim and Pam talk about the day like it's Thursday, even though it's really Wednesday.

Pam: [trying to make Dwight think that it's Friday] Hey, did you watch The Apprentice last night?
Jim: Yeah, I can't believe who they kicked out!
Pam: Oh, I know!
Dwight: Damn it! I missed it! I was out drinking with my Laser Tage Team, I can't believe I did that! I never go out on Thursday nights.

DWIGHT-SQUARED, ''Product Recall" (3.20)
Jim comes to work dressed as Dwight. With a pair of $4 drugstore glasses, a tie from the Salvation Army, a short-sleeve button-up shirt, a calculator watch, and an unfortunate hair part, you too can become a Dwight look-alike! To be even more convincing as a Schrute, be sure to ask a series of nonsensical questions.

PAVLOV PRANK, ''Phyllis' Wedding" (3.15)
Inspired by Pavolov's prank, Jim conditions Dwight to ask for an Altoid at the sound of a computer login bell.


YES, DWIGHT, THAT IS THE REAL BEN FRANKLIN, ''Ben Franklin'' (3.14)
In one of my favorite episodes, Jim hires a Ben Franklin impersonator to be a stripper for Phyllis's bachelorette party. Dwight tries to catch Ben Franklin in a lie and is 99% sure it's not the real Ben Franklin.

Dwight: Far-sighted or near-sighted?
Ben Franklin: Both. I invented the bifocals.
Dwight: AAGGHH!!

GAYDAR, "Gay Witch Hunt" (3.1)
My second favorite from my favorite episode. After finding out that Oscar is gay, Michael and Dwight call Jim to find a gaydar machine (to which Jim suggests trying Brookstone), and then Jim sends Dwight a homemade gaydar, which is really a metal detector. Dwight scans it over Oscar and it goes off around his belt-buckle and Dwight thinks it works. Then he it goes off around his own belt-buckle... and the fear in his eyes is priceless.

BFI: 75 classics to share with future generations

The British Film Institute, in celebration of their 75th Anniversary, asked 75 people from various professions and backgrounds in the industry to each pick a movie that they would most like to share with future generations. It wasn’t limited to British films, and the idea was to get a good cross-section of what people consider to be a timeless “classic”. You can see the full list here, but I've included some below.

The Battle of Algiers (Gillo Pontecorvo)
Billy Elliot (Stephen Daldry) *
Blade Runner (Ridley Scott) ***
Bonnie and Clyde (Arthur Penn) ***
Cabaret (Bob Fosse) ***
Do the Right Thing (Spike Lee)
Dr. Strangelove, or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (Stanley Kubrick) **
Empire of the Sun (Steven Spielberg)
The Fog of War (Errol Morris)
Friday Night Lights (Peter Berg, Josh Pate) *
The Godfather (Francis Ford Coppola) **
Great Expectations (David Lean)
A Hard Day’s Night (Richard Lester) -- "He's not your grandfather! I've seen your grandfather!"
Lawrence of Arabia (David Lean) **
Metropolis (Fritz Lang) ***
Otto e mezzo (Federico Fellini) **
Pulp Fiction (Quentin Tarantino) ***
Raging Bull (Martin Scorsese)
Raising Arizona (Joel and Ethan Coen) ****
The Seventh Seal (Ingmar Bergman) **
Singin’ in the Rain (Stanley Donen, Gene Kelly) **
Spartacus (Stanley Kubrick) **
The Third Man (Carol Reed) **
Vertigo (Alfred Hitchcock) **
West Side Story (Robert Wise) ***
The Wizard of Oz (Victor Fleming) ***
The Women (George Cukor)

* While I love it, is it really a classic?
** Typically, I use the phrase "greatest movie ever" when talking about this movie (whether I've seen it or not).
*** Perhaps there should be a distinction between "old" and "new" classic?
**** I don't talk to people who like Nicolas Cage.

ew: 50 biggest emmy snubs

Entertainment Weekly recently made a list of the 50 Biggest Emmy Snubs. Below are shocking snubs I agree with from the 26-50 range.

40. James Callis, Battlestar Galactica -- possibly my favorite character on TV
36. Michael Cera, Arrested Development -- who else can make loving your cousin so adorably cute?
34. David Cross, Arrested Development -- three words: "I blue myself!"
30. Matthew Fox, Lost -- he is the male version of Mary-Louise Parker

And now from the 25 Biggest Snubs section:

25. Sports Night -- somehow this Sorkin gem didn't win anything
23. My So-Called Life -- teen angst at its best and most well articulated (I heart Angela and Brian)
22. Sarah Michelle Gellar, Buffy the Vampire Slayer -- spouting off sarcasm is not as easy as it looks
16. Kristin Davis, Sex and the City -- when Miranda tells Charlotte she's keeping the baby, Davis gave the best reaction I've ever seen on TV
15. Battlestar Galactica -- IT'S THE BEST SHOW ON TELEVISION
11. The Wire -- this show is mentioned in the same breath of BSG as the best show on television
7. Norman Fell, Three's Company -- I've never seen another misogynist homophobic landlord I've loved so much
4. Lauren Graham, Gilmore Girls -- seriously, this was a major oversight
3. Buffy the Vampire Slayer -- IT WAS THE BEST SHOW ON TELEVISION

And now for my thoughts on the Emmys...

I enjoyed Oprah's opening, especially the clever pun that television entertains, educates, and inspires us, bringing our live into high definition. Aww. Indeed.

They should never do multiple hosts again, especially with Heidi Klum, Howie Mandel, or Ryan Seacrest. I don't know why this concept is so alien to award show directors, but I would actually rather watch three hours of acceptance speeches than a bunch of mediocre sketches that don't make me laugh. Don Rickles had the moment of the evening when he kept going off script. That's a comic legend -- let him host the show next year! But if not him, then get Ricky Gervais and Steve Carrell to co-host. Their playful taunting was the only fun moment of the evening (besides Rickles), and it was again unscripted. I could watch them engaged in a staring contest all night. But then Gervais's introduction leads into... a montage of past winners? Wait a second. The show is constantly reminding us that speeches should be kept short and that they don't want to run out of time, and then they show past winners unable to find words during their speeches? Umm, no.

I was also unimpressed with Klum's strip at the beginning. She came out in a power suit, masculine and still sexy, and William Shatner had to literally rip her clothes off to objectify her as a sexual object. I read that Klum changed her outfit over 70 times, and that's just absurd. I understand that designers want to advertise their designs, but -- and this is blasphemous -- award shows should not be about the clothes... UNLESS it's about costume design.

I enjoyed Laura Linney's acceptance speech. It was short, to the point, and she managed to thank "all the community organizers who help form our country." That's my girl.

Major Winners:

Lead Actor in a Comedy – Alec Baldwin!!!
Lead Actress in a Drama – Glenn Close
Lead Actor in a Drama – Brian Cranston
Lead Actress in a Comedy – Tina Fey
Best Comedy – 30 Rock
Best Drama – Mad Men!!!

Glenn Close gave a great line when she said of her fellow nominees, "I think we're proving that complicated, powerful, mature women are sexy in high entertainment and can carry a show." And although Cranston was a long shot, I'm glad that the Emmys finally decided not to overlook him because he really is a fantastic actor. But Jon Hamm's day is coming, I promise you. (Also, Christina Hendricks, who plays Joan Holloway, should definitely be nominated, especially for last Sunday's episode.) And Baldwin was ever-so gracious and grateful, and I'm so happy he won. And yay for Mad Men winning best drama show (technically it's "Outstanding Drama Series").

top 10 favorite BSG moments: 6-10

I haven't written on my favorite television show in a while, and I don't want anyone to ever forget my ever-growing love and adoration for this show. The following are my Top 10 Favorite Moments from Battlestar Galactica, the greatest show ever made.


10. D'Anna tortures Baltar in "Torn" (3.6)
After lying about his discovery of a virus on a Cylon baseship, Gaius Baltar is physically tortured by D'Anna, a Number Three model. Baltar envisions his Number Six (ie Head Six) apparition having sex with him on a beach, and suddenly a visual juxtaposition fills the frame. Baltar moans in ecstasy, but is it pain or pleasure? D'Anna looks on in a mixture of disgust, horror, intrigue, and possibly sexual arousal. Well played by both Lucy Lawless and James Callis. On the one hand, this scene shows how Baltar is able to manipulate his reality, but on the other, it shows how humans are able to distort the truth about their situations. Technically, the scene is amazing, from the ambiguous location to the low lighting, which, of course, is the visual opposite of the beach Baltar and Six inhabit. This is surreal mind escapism at its best.


9. Starbuck dreams of making out with Leoben in "Maelstrom" (3.17)
Dreaming, Kara 'Starbuck' Thrace imagines herself painting what would be known as the Eye of Jupiter on her childhood home (which was taken over by the Cylons during the apocalypse). Kara is, of course, in a tank and undies. Her muscles are highlighted in this skimpy outfit, and she is both masculine and feminine. She takes a nap, and Cylon Leoben wakes her up. He throws her against the wall and forces her to kiss him. She fights at first but eventually gives in, and then they fall to the ground, rolling around in paint. It's quite possibly the hottest moment from TV. Ever.


8. Starbuck is about to assassinate Admiral Cain in "Resurrection Ship Part 2" (2.12)
Holy crap. The division between 2.0 and 2.5 is filled with philosophy. Admiral Cain is the ideological opposite of our Galactica hero and leader, Admiral Adama. She's a woman where "the ends justify the means" determines her actions, and she is more concerned with statistics than sympathy. She has rebellious civilians executed in order to keep them in line. And it's a tough question to ask -- when people don't do what you tell them to do, and you're the leader, how do you get them to do it? In Cain's case (and there is a definite allegory to the Biblical Cain and Abel story), she rules by physical coercion. And you know, Adama's not a saint either. Later in Season 3, Chief Tyrol revolts and Adama threatens to hurt Tyrol' wife, Callie, in order to get the Chief to back off. So finally the two leaders butt heads and the both find themselves at the last resort -- they must assassinate the other. So Starbuck, who is now a pilot on Cain's ship Pegasus, is sent to assassinate her boss. Meanwhile, Cain's right-hand man is sent to kill Adama. Then Cylon raiders come and they must fight the enemy before they fight each other. So who wins? Humanity wins. Neither leader is killed. At least, not by a human... but this scene is very interesting for Kara Thrace, who is struggling with both her morals and her sense of duty. But more than anything, this scene shows that Starbuck and Adama are not as unlike Cain as we would like to believe.


7. Helo shoots his wife, Sharon Athena in "Rapture"
Holy frak! This scene breaks my heart a thousand times over. Cylon Sharon had a hybrid baby with human Helo, but President Roslin and Adama told them the baby child shortly after her birth. When Sharon learns that her daughter is alive and well on the Cylon Resurrection ship -- and further that Roslin and Adam lied to her -- she schemes a way to get her daughter back. If her husband shoots her, she will download into a new body on the Resurrection ship and retrieve her daughter. The way that this scene is shot is amazing because the two characters are pacing around, and the decision to kill Sharon is not explicit. They could planning to assassinate Roslin or Adama out of hate, or they could be planning on stealing a ship (which is more likely). Sharon goes up to hug Helo, and then you hear a shot and Sharon falls into his arms. Helo cries out and the audience realizes, holy frak, he just shot his wife. Yes, Sharon would most likely download into a new body... but for the human Helo, there's always that doubt. What if she's not the same Sharon? What if something happens and she's unable to download? What if he just killed her? Gods, I love this scene.


6. Lee's speech on the stand during Baltar's trial in "Crossroads Part 2" (3.20)
The shift at the end of Season 3 seemed kind of odd. Suddenly the CAG and Admiral's son wants to be a lawyer? But then you rewatch Seasons 1 & 2 and you realize that this was the next logical progression of his character. He's always been a leader. Plus, this sets his character up for Season 4 when he has to negotiate with D'Anna who wants the Final Five or else she's going to kill hostages. Lee becomes, oddly enough, the acting president while Roslin is with D'Anna, but he does such a fine job during negotiations that every odd moment leading up to Lee as president suddenly makes sense. But back to "Crossroads Part 2." Lee, who is defending Gaius Baltar in his crimes against humanity, is called to the stand by Romo Lampkin:

Lee: Did the defendant make mistakes? Sure, he did. Serious mistakes. But did he actually commit any crimes? Did he commit treason? No. I mean it was an impossible situation, when the Cylons arrived, what could he possibly do? What could anyone have done? I mean ask yourself, what would you have done? What would you have done? If he had refused to surrender, the Cylons would have probably nuked the planet right then and there. So did he appear to cooperate with the Cylons? Sure. So did hundreds of others. What's the difference between him and them? The President issued a blanket pardon, they were all forgiven, no questions asked. Colonel Tigh, Colonel Tigh used suicide bombers, killed dozens of people: forgiven. Lieutenant Agathon and Chief Tyrol, they murdered an officer on the Pegasus: forgiven. The Admiral, the Admiral instituted a military coup d'etat against the President: forgiven. And me? Well, where do I begin? I shot down a civilian passenger ship - the Olympic Carrier, over a thousand people on board: forgiven. I raised my weapon to a superior officer, committed an act of mutiny: forgiven. And then, on the very day when Baltar surrendered to those Cylons, I, as Commander of Pegasus, jumped away. I left everybody on that planet alone, undefended, for months! I even tried to persuade the Admiral never to return. To abandon you all there for good. If I had my way nobody would have made it off that planet. I'm the coward, I'm the traitor. I'm forgiven. I'd say we're very forgiving of mistakes. We make our own laws now, our own justice. And we've been pretty creative of finding ways to let people off the hook for everything from theft to murder. And we've had to be, because, because we're not a civilization anymore. We are a gang, and we're on the run, and we have to fight to survive. We have to break rules, we have to bend laws, we have to improvise. But not this time, no, not this time. Not for Gaius Baltar. No, you, you have to die. You have to die because well, we don't like you very much. Because you're arrogant, because you're weak, because you're a coward. And we the mob, we want to throw you out the airlock because you didn't stand up to the Cylons and get yourself killed in the process. That's justice now. You should have been killed back on New Caprica, but since you had the temerity to live we're going to execute you now. That's justice.

The first time I saw this, I didn't quite get it. I thought Lawyer Lee was misguided and implausible (his grandfather was a lawyer and that somehow qualifies him to be legal counsel?), but upon repeat viewings, and especially after starting back with the miniseries and rewatching the entire series, I've come to understand how this developed. It's not as random or forced as it once had seemed. And besides, this was creator Ron Moore's way of exposing the truth of human nature to us. These people are the Galactica may be in leadership positions and they have sign names and titles, but they're still just people and they still make mistakes. And more importantly, they justify and classify the world around them. Crimes committed on New Caprica are excused and forgiven, but Baltar has to be punished. He has to die. It's a very intriguing study of the human condition, and even if this scene seems out of place, you can't deny that it's extremely well written.