new poll: best film character name

It's official. The worst actor ever is... Nicolas Cage! He won with 60% of the votes. I'd like to thank the nine intelligent movie-goers that recognized Nicolas Cage for what he is (the worst actor ever). Perhaps one day I'll post my thoughts on him, and it's subtitle could be "In Defense of Keanu Reeves."

I've put up a new poll regarding the best film character name. I've narrowed the list down to four. These four names are iconic. They exist outside of themselves. The movie's not just named after them, and they're not simply "a totally awesome character." The names themselves -- how they sound, what they imply, the feeling you get when you hear them -- are at the heart of the poll. So don't pick your favorite character. Pick the name that serves as a signifier for that character and that character's significance.

Your choices are:

Hans Gruber (Die Hard)
Lando Calrissian (Star Wars)
Donnie Darko (Donnie Darko)
Keyser Soze (The Usual Suspects)

Other names that could go on this list include:


Scarlett O'Hara (Gone with the Wind), Idgie Threadgoode (Fried Green Tomatoes), Hannibal Lector (Silence of the Lambs), Holly Golightly (Breakfast at Tiffany's), and of course Atticus Finch (To Kill a Mockingbird), but I eliminated them because the names originated from a novel first. Not to be ignored by adult fiction are Roald Dahl's Violet Beauregarde and Augustus Gloop from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Scarlett O'Hara is indeed an iconic film name, but the actual name itself is not particularly interesting. Her character would still be remembered in the same way had she been named something else. As far as novel characters go, is there really any question that Atticus Finch is one of the greatest names/characters of all time?


Other fantastic names include Lloyd Dobbler (Say Anything), Norman Bates (Psycho), Norma Desmond (Sunset Boulevard) and the title characters Forrest Gump and Indiana Jones. I think that out of this group my vote would fall for Norman Bates, simply because that name represents all the themes of the film. Those two words, those harsh sounds, mirror the brutality and insecurity of both himself and the Marion Crane character. Although I really enjoy the names Forrest Gump and Indiana Jones, their immortality really rests in the characters rather than the names.

What are some other names I neglected to mention?

potential possibilities for new batman villains

Yesterday, I was discussing Batman villains with my friend Tim. He was excited about the possibilities of Johnny Depp playing The Riddler and Philip Seymour Hoffman playing The Penguin. While I like both of these pairings, more so the latter, I think they're a bit obvious. (Plus, I would like for Depp to do fewer character roles. I enjoyed him in Chocolat and Blow just as much as Edward Scissorhands and Pirates of the Caribbean.) But Tim and I both agreed that Angelina Jolie is an awful choice for Catwoman. Which got me thinking... who would I like to see in these roles?


The Riddler: I read this on some web poll, and I thought it was funny but still realistic. Christopher Lloyd. He's a bit old for the part, but who says The Riddler needs to be young? (I honestly don't know; is there a reason he needs to be young?) He's kooky and plays crazy better than anyone, but he may be a little silly. I can't picture him doing a serious-Ledgeresque take on the role. What about... Hugo Weaving? The Riddler is a master of words, so perhaps this role would be too similar to his V for Vendetta role, but I do think he would be great in it. He's sinister looking and his voice is mesmerizing. Other names being thrown around (that I don't like at all) are Michael Emerson, David Tennant, Guy Pearce (who worked with Nolan on Momento), and Casey Affleck.

Really, I want someone like Gary Oldman in the role... but because The Riddler is so similar to The Joker, I'm wondering/hoping that Nolan moves on to explore other new characters. Film School Rejects gives a list of villains that should never be on film, so if Nolan stays away from Man-Bat, Crazy Quilt, and Calculator, Nolan should be okay. (And no, I'm not making up these names.) Den of Geek also has 25 villainous casting suggestions.

The Penguin: John Malkovich. Just give him a fat suit. Who says you need a rotund actor to play this role? I really have no clue on this one because I don't know The Penguin's MO or how he should be played. I just know that PSH is an obvious choice.


Catwoman: Originally I liked the idea of Charlize Theron, but I think she's just too sweet to play the multi-dimensional character, and I still haven't forgiven her for her performance in Aeon Flux (which I enjoyed well enough because the sci-fi story was decent, but she was horrible as a heroine). Now I've moved on to... drumroll please... Eva Green (Casino Royale, The Golden Compass). Since thinking of her name, I can't imagine anyone else in the role. She is sultry and dark, and her beauty is a mix between human realism and comic book idealism. She is a mixture of sugar and spice. I think she can play the dual nature of Catwoman's psyche (both feminine and gentle, masculine and dangerous) even better than Michelle Pfeiffer. She's six years younger than Bale, so they would be a good romantic match. There is so much in her eyes: the need to be loved, the need to needed, the need to create trouble. She's perfect. Christopher Campbell's list is one I highly disagree with, but Marion Cotillard could be interesting... and Den of Geek has some other good suggestions -- Tilda Swinton would be fantastic!

ew: 24 smartest tv/movie characters

Entertainment Weekly has created a list the 24 smartest tv/movie characters. There are the obvious (Temperance Brennan from Bones, Dr. House from House, and Will Hunting from, well, you know) but some interesting choices include Adrian Monk (Monk), Doc Emmett Brown (Back to the Future, the ultimate absent-minded professor), and Jamal Wallace (Finding Forrester, such an underrated film).


My favorite on the list: Leonard and Sheldon from Big Bang Theory. I would never be friends with Sheldon in real life -- he's kind of mean -- but conversations with him would be amazing (like his problem with teleportation, for example).

Sadly the gallery lacks many female characters. I think there's 4-5 out of 24. And Gabrielle from High School Musical is one of those. Hmm... what about sensical characters? There's book smarts and then there's street smarts. Intelligence does not necessarily mean Doogie Howser. It could mean Leela from Futurama or Liz Lemon from 30 Rock.

I want to like the list (simply for existing), but I think EW is using a very limiting definition of "intelligent." Who is missing from this list? Would it be cheating if I were to put a real person on the list, like Julia Robert's title role from Erin Brokovich?

i love 'em, but i really hate 'em

These are the TV characters that I love on their shows, in the context of their shows, within the genre of their shows. But in real life, I think I would punch them in the face.

1. Anyone from the cast of Friends


They're a good-looking bunch and, when combined, they're pretty funny. But the laugh-track helps. And I'm not sure that every situation is all that humorous. I could count on my fingers the number of times they were serious! And after season four, they became caricatures of themselves and I don't think I would be able to stand more than five minutes with any of them. Think about it. Who is more annoying? The ditzy chick who says weird things? The obsessive and bossy clean-freak? The idiot actor who says thinks like "it's a moo point"? The squeaky pubescent bore-osaurus? The one-line suddenly-not-gay guy? Or the chick without a real personality? Hmm...

2. Gaius Baltar from Battlestar Galactica


I love Gaius. He is so well-written, and I back him on every decision he's made. He's all about survival, and I get that. There is no shame in wanting to live. If I were in any of his situations, I would do what he did. I'd let D'Anna into my bed... so she wouldn't kill me. I'd try to hang myself once back on the fleet... so they wouldn't kill me. In fact, at the very beginning, he could've switched his lottery number with the old lady's, but he didn't. I would have. He's such a fantastic bad guy because he represents the truth about human nature, and it's much darker than any of us are willing to admit. We all want to be noble... but this isn't Sparta. When all is said and done, we'd rather live. But... I wouldn't be his friends in real life because he stammers, even though he knows full well what he's saying, and he talks to himself. Oh, and he thinks he's the Chosen One. My Frakkin' Weird radar would be going off every second with him.

3. Kara 'Starbuck' Thrace from Battlestar Galactica


I love Kara, I do. She's a strong female character, but she messes up. On purpose. She's arrogant and crass and doesn't care about hurting other people. She's outspoken and rude. These are all reasons why I love her character, what makes her human and real to me. But she's too real, and in real life, I wouldn't be able to justify her actions or get inside her head. Also, I'm kind of sick of her pouty lips-pursed face. Maybe if she laughed more, I'd be her friend... but what's funny about the apocalypse?

4. Pam Beesly from The Office


I heart Jam (Jim + Pam). The kiss from Season 2 could have been between me and Jim, for all my heart knows. It stopped beating for about seven seconds. And as cute as they are, and as adorable and sweet and almost frumpy as she is, Pam is just too soft. She doesn't have a backbone, and that is one of the reason I love her. She's the underdog. You want her to dump Roy, attend an art school, and have little prank-pulling babies with Jim. But she doesn't. It's not fear so much but low self-esteem. Until Season 3, she really doesn't believe she deserves better than a secretary job and a man that doesn't appreciate her. But I need friends who can stand on their own two feet, fight their own fights, and have opinions.

5. Josh Lyman from The West Wing


Oh, Josh. His little walk and how he looks around when he's talking to someone is cute. His banter with Donna is precious, and his one-shoulder-slung backpack is darling. But he's pompous and way too oblivious about anything personal. Take his relationship with Mary-Louise Parker's character, for instance. He dated her because she was in politics. I could never have a serious personal conversation with him (and Donna points that out on a regular basis), and I would want to strangle him every time he told me I was wrong even though I would be saying the same thing he was. And, come to think of it, his walk would annoy me.

"why can't you be more like jim halpert?"

I often wonder why real-life men can't be like their superior TV counterparts. How great would it be if every awkward moment had a laugh track? How great would it be if guys actually said eloquent expressions filled with honest feelings? Men should really look to TV to see what women want. We don't need the knight in shining armor that is presented in most romantic comedies (and any woman who needs that is just lazy), and we certainly don't want the swearing-because-they're-manly gun-toting grunting-passes-for-an-answer guy that is displayed in action films (as cool as John McClane may be, no self-respecting woman actually wants that, as expressed by Holly Gennaro's absence). Besides, I think film is evolving into the next stage beyond "is it reflecting reality or is reality reflecting it," so it's not a good source for internalization of the male ego. TV, however, is one of the most accessible art forms; it certainly doesn't take a genius to understand MILF Island. Men should look to TV to find inspiration -- not necessarily to find a woman, but just to become a better person overall.

The following is a list of men I would marry without hesitation.


5. Dave Foley's Dave Nelson from Newsradio
I'm not going to lie. Dave Foley actually kind of creeps me out (and reminds me of Issabella Rossilini). He didn't age well, and I've always found him to be a bit effeminate (while hosting that poker show, I thought he had suddenly embraced his inner homosexual), but Foley still makes me laugh, like when he was a BBQ expert on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson. And I imagine the comedian is not entirely unlike Dave Nelson, who I just adore. His character is stabilized by the fact that he's smart (who else could win a battle of wits against Bill McNeal?), but he also understands and can dish out sarcasm. All situations are funny, even when Lisa is mad at him for calling her a bad word (the b-one), and he's addicted to coffee. His little hurried walk around the office is also adorable. Dave Nelson was best during Season 1 and, just for fun, check out Bill McNeal's "hypothetical interviews" sketch.


4. Matthew Fox's Jack Shephard from Lost
To all the people who dislike Jack Shephard: Shut up. You're wrong. Intelligence is the numero uno necessity for me (which explains why I'm so unimpressed with most people I meet), and, unlike other characters on Lost, Shepard's progression has been natural and relatable. He didn't ask to be the leader; he just took charge. And he didn't take charge because he's a doctor; he's a doctor because he has an innate need to help people. He's why the phrase "people are born leaders" exists. Jack is juxtaposed with Sawyer (the outlaw, literally the outcast of their island society) and Locke (who bares little resemblance to the philosopher of the same name and pursues a mystical existence), and it is Jack's logic, however failing or negative it may be, that defines his role. He doesn't just come up with a plan. He has a back up plan and he understands the multiple ways in which his plans could potentially unfold. Forget the island setting; this is a trait that I find sexy in everyday life. I don't want someone like Boone who, although physically beautiful, is completely useless and gets himself killed by making stupid decisions. I don't want someone like Sawyer who makes selfish decisions for the sole purpose of irritating other people (namely Kate, ugh, hate her). I don't even want someone like Bernard -- he does whatever his wife, Rose, wants to do? Jack is strong and independent and logical (except in the future -- err -- present). Nevermind his love for Kate (which is completely illogical, she ruins everything) and nevermind his weird and trusting relationship with Juliet (seriously, why doesn't he question her more?). His intelligence comes in a nicely wrapped package (dirty pun intended).


3. Nathan Fillion's Malcolm Reynolds of Firefly
Malcolm Reynolds is an upgrade on the Han Solo archetype, and he looks damn fine in those goofy-looking pants. Nothing translates on screen quite like sacrifice, and as I've mentioned before, Mal's love for his ship is so beautiful. He's a hard character to read, but he is one of the most loyal people I've ever seen. He doesn't want people to risk their lives for him, but he wouldn't even hesitate to give his life for one of his men (which mechanic Kaylee even points out in one episode). "Why did you come back for me? You don't even like me," Simon asks him. He responds, "You're on my crew." All of the characters have really great lines in the show and, because of the seriousness of the role, some of Fillion's brilliant lines are often overlooked, but he is one oddly moral bad-ass hero. A fan made a top ten countdown of Mr. Tightpants's greatest moments here (#6-10) and here (#1-5). But outside of the 'Verse (the Firefly universe), I think having an argument with Mal would be both infuriating and rewarding. He could hold his own. I mean, he would probably just walk away and refuse to express any feelings... but there would never be a dull moment with him.


2. Zachary Levi's Chuck Bartowski from Chuck
Zachary Levi is honestly one of the most beautiful people I've ever seen. His face is symmetrical (which equals beauty, apparently), and his smile and Adam's apple are desirable. But beyond looks -- and this list is definitely not about looks -- Chuck Bartowski is everything I look for in a guy. He's smart and cute (the term is "nerdy hot"), and I would enjoy playing video games with him and Hellboy just as much as I would like sitting awkwardly on a romantic date, too nervous to say anything in fear that everything would come out wrong. He appeals to my inner geek, and he's absolutely goofy. He makes out with mirrors (for practice, of course!) and hits on deli girl Rachel Bilson by erotically describing sandwiches. He would be completely loyal as a boyfriend, and his self-deprivation humor is actually cute and not at all tiring. Sigh. He's close to perfect for me...


1. John Krasinski's Jim Halpert from The Office
Jim Halpert is the awesomest awesome that ever awesomed. His pranks on Dwight are the highlights of any episode, and nothing will ever beat the Gaydar from "Gay Witch Hunt" (my favorite episode). Truth be told, my favorite stand-alone scene is Dwight testing the Ben Franklin, but regardless, Jim Halpert is the heart of this show. He's the smartest one in the office (did I mention I value intelligence?), and he's the only character that doesn't really have a gimmick. Stanley is the grouchy one. Meredith is the sex-obsessed alcoholic. Creed is the weird old guy that says weird things and wears weird clothes. Andy is the brown-noser. Dwight is the "how did he make it this far in life" guy. Pam is the introverted love interest. Phyllis is the person who gets kicked around. Angela is the tight-ass Republican. Mindy is the most obnoxious person in the world (every office has one). Toby is the quiet and insecure guy. And Oscar is the guy that's too good for the office. But Jim? Jim is real. He's an actual person with goals and ambitions, and his best moments are not when he's pining over Pam or when he's making faces at the camera. His best moments are when he smiles because he finds genuine joy in something. When Michael wants to make a mix CD of m3ps and Jim corrects him, it's funny, but when Jim loses out on a deal with a client, he still calls it "a pretty good day" because Pam fell asleep on his shoulder during a conference. My favorite Jim and Pam moment is when Jim is annexed to the back and he keeps wanting to talk to Pam, who keeps getting visits from Roy, and he checks his messages at the end of the day and smiles when he hears Pam's voice, "Hey, this is Pam again." Out of all of the TV shows I watch and obsess over, Jim and Pam are the only couple I actually truly, sincerely care about. (When Pam cries in front of Dwight over missing Jim, I cried too. Broke my heart.) He's a simple guy who isn't very complicated and knows how to fun with such a trying world. And he can put up with Michael Scott. Jim Halpert is... perfect.