mcsweeneys.net: who are you? zoology joe?

Sarah Smallwood wrote a particularly inventive piece called A Subtextual Reading of Your High School French Textbook. The chapters get funnier and more ridiculous as they go on.

CHAPTER 2
Where Do You Live?

M. Troucher: Nous habitons à la capitale.
Like all French people, we live in Paris.

Mme. Troucher: Je l'aime Paris! La ville d'amour!
I obviously wear my heart on my age-inappropriate cap sleeve.

Marie: Le ville de la culture et les chefs de cuisine!
Mom, does Dad ever hurt you? Smile if the answer's yes.

Jean-Paul: Je l'aime le Tour Eiffel! C'est magnifique!
Why can we see the Eiffel Tower from, like, every window?

Tutu: J'aime les touristes'je mange leur croissants!
I'm a poodle? I don't feel like a poodle. I bet I'm really a German Shepherd.

Jason Kellet wrote a gut-busting revision of scenes from 300 in his 300: The Definitive, Historically Accurate Cut. It's funny regardless of Spartan knowledge, but it's so much funnier if you're familiar with their history. Ephilates: "Who are you —Zoology Joe? Just try to kill the damn things, will you?"

From Adrian Chen's I Spy... In Hell:

BEAST: I spy with my little eye, something ... red.
FALSE PROPHET: The lake of fire!
BEAST: No.
FALSE PROPHET: The fire in your hair?
BEAST: No.
FALSE PROPHET: The fire burning your eyeballs?
BEAST: No.
FALSE PROPHET: The fire burning my eyeballs?
BEAST: No.
FALSE PROPHET: Jeez, I give up.
BEAST: It's fire.
FALSE PROPHET: Like fire in general?
BEAST: Yeah. Just ... all the fire, everywhere.
FALSE PROPHET: Oh. Good one.

Matt Marinovich wrote My Life, Rewritten as a Chinese Takeout Menu and Slipped, Unwanted, Under My Door. I'll have a large side order of Crispy Fear of Death to go with my Four Seasons chef's special. Also, water; no lemon.